Below is a question from a Christian Wife.
It’s a long one.
I will be answering it and other questions you may have today at 7:00 PM EST
Please Set up A Reminder Here NOW – > How to deal with an abusive husband
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Here is the Question.
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Looking for Biblical advice!
My husband and I met in high school. We have three children and are now almost 40. I got saved after we were married. He has not yet.
I have come to realize that he is a covert narcissist- and he’s only become worse since I was saved. The tendencies of narcissism was always there, but before Christ, my husband was my god. I worshipped him and stroked his ego- compromising when needed to keep him happy. But he has never accepted fault for anything and if I were to bring up things that he had said or done that hurt me he dismissed it or made me feel like I was wrong for seeing things the way I did.
It’s become so much worse. I want to submit as a Godly wife- even though he isn’t submitting under Christ. I want a loving relationship built on mutual trust, humble respect and a genuine want to become better towards each other through forgiveness and apologies when we hurt each other. But because of his narcissistic personality I’m constantly left blaming myself because he makes me feel completely crazy and worthless for saying anything at all when he hurts me.
I’m totally exhausted and recently feel like I might be better off home with my Lord. He’s totally broken me. All I do is cry. I’ve become bitter and confused about how I am supposed to live this life.
I have been conditioned in this lifestyle of mental gymnastics now for almost 25 years and I’m just exhausted 
Since getting saved I have loved him better and more completely than I ever have before! Giving all of myself to him. Forgiving him without bringing most things to his attention. I am joyful! I pack his work lunch every day for him (never did this before) keep the house up! I’m eager to please him!!
It seems the more I try to be the wife God has asked me to be, the uglier and more hateful my husband is towards me. I’ve realized it brings him some type of joy or satisfaction knowing he has this kind of control on my mental state. And because I haven’t left yet he sees it as approval to continue this behavior.
I’m broken and utterly exhausted. I don’t think my mental health can take much more. I ask my Father where He is in this mess and what I should do but I’m not hearing much.
I need to hear from the Lord with scripture please!
Blessings,
-Ade